Across America and in many other parts of the world, we meet at Chamber of Commerce breakfasts or for coffee, or we join private clubs and we exchange business cards and a promise to follow up in a couple of weeks. It’s a time-honored ritual. People need interaction, and if you also happen to constantly need new customers, therein lies a second objective: You need to make sales happen. Benjamin understood this.
Back in the day (1796), Benjamin Franklin formed a Merchants Committee because farmers who came to town once a month would load up their wagons and head right back out of town before the other merchants also had a chance to sell them something. So the store owners would meet, conjure up town events and special programs to entice the farmers to stay in town a while longer. That was the forerunner of the modern-day Chamber of Commerce. The objective hasn’t changed much: Provide an arena where businesses and potential customers can find each other.
We call it networking, and that can happen anywhere. Our search for the right prospective customer goes on. But what I’ve discovered is that there is a considerable difference between typical networking and the art of communicating, connecting and collaborating. Let me explain. It could prove to be invaluable to you.
I’ve attended hundreds of chamber events, paid a lot of money to be a part of local private networking organizations, read several books on the subject and interviewed groups ranging from retirees looking to re-enter the work force to college students just starting out. And when I ask them to define their networking activity, they tell me that networking is nothing more than meeting people, a necessary evil for some, a social hour for others, and most believe that all they are doing is all they can do, and that is SO wrong.
I’ll elaborate. First, as glamorous as it may seem to those outside looking in, not everyone
who attends a networking event enjoys being there. It can be intimidating. When two jittery people meet each other and exchange business cards, first impressions will be tested. We try to put our best foot forward, but it’s not that easy, especially for introverts like me.
Second, when I think of the word “networking,” I think of one who casts a huge net into the water, then pulls it back into the boat to see what the net has trapped. There is a potential to capture the kind of fish desired, but the net doesn’t have the capacity to discard anything else. It might yield a bounty of the right fish, or it might bring up junk, like old bottles and toilet seats.
But if you cast your net over 100 people at a networking event and try to pull in everyone, you will predictably disqualify most of the people there while you search for those who fit your criteria. From a metaphorical standpoint, that’s how people network every week; they have no training on how to do more than surface-connect.
One time, a lady came up to me at a mixer and asked me what I do. I replied that our company is a Promotional Marketing Agency and that I also do private coaching. She stared at me for a long time, no doubt scanning her mental rolodex in search of the category she would place me in. Smiling, I waited patiently. Suddenly her eyes brightened and, with a raised hand toward the heavens, she said, “Aha! You do marketing! I have a nephew who does that, so I don’t need you!” and she walked away.
I was stunned. This was at least 15 years ago and I have never forgotten her, I have never recommended her, and she will never know the people I could have referred to her.
What is your name and what do you DO? is what we usually settle for when meeting folks for the first time. The default helps us put people into categories so we can either embrace or reject their value. We settle for basic information until we have time to do further investigation, typically in a week or two. The real question we are subconsciously asking is What do you represent that might contribute to my success?
That’s really what we want to know. We’re programmed to get to that information as quickly as possible so we can keep moving through the crowd. We think we’re doing everything right and if you happen to find a perfect fit for your needs, you’d better not let her out of your sight because that rarely happens.
This is Surface-Connecting at its most obvious. The fallout from being in a hurry to categorize people is that we might miss opportunities. We meet people for the first time, engage in abbreviated small talk, exchange information and promise to follow up in a few days. It meets the immediate objective that (supposedly) satisfies the mission:
- Quickly exchange business cards!
- Spend as little time as you can with someone!
- Keep moving so you blanket the room with YOUR business cards before the official program starts!
And…the real opportunities to create authentic relationships are missed. People will tell you how important it is to Create Relationships, yet many of us take the shortcut; we just ask the basics, the surface-level questions, and move on, because it’s more comfortable. We don’t go deeper because we were never made aware that adding certain key communication, connection and collaboration skills to what we already know could spell accelerated success for everyone involved. It just takes making a change in your habits, adding a few skills to what you already know, adjusting your mindset and resetting your intention.
My Big Lesson
2008: It was a time when our many projects with the movie studios all seemed to vanish in less than 90 days. Many of the clients’ accounting departments cut off promotional spending, at least until the economy stopped spiraling. The 6 O’clock Evening News called it The Great Recession. Trying to replace all that business by doubling down on those networking events proved futile. The economy was tanking and so was our once-thriving business.
My tired, old, surface-connector approach that had worked really well in ’06 and ’07 didn’t work in ’08. It was a tough pill to swallow, but in truth, one of the many lessons learned was that the broader the reach of people who will support you, the less pain you might suffer when one part of your company’s economy slows down. If you are diverse in all the ways you can create positive influence, your solid options for more business will be there and support you.
For us, I had not paid enough attention (and respect) to those other industries we could have also served. I had not nurtured the relationships and supported them. I didn’t refer business to them and promote them as I would wish they supported me. I had not understood the bigger picture and the possibilities inherent in having a more diverse portfolio of potential business and goodwill.
The lessons forced me to seek new ways to show up for others. I re-dedicated my research to figuring out what is missed when we just surface-connect. I interviewed college professors, marketing experts, sales experts, human resources and just about anyone I could talk to in order to confirm what I had discovered.
Dynamic Engagement. We define this practice as setting a positive attitude and being prepared to ask strategic, empathetically-driven questions that will reveal who they are, what they represent and who in your arsenal of contacts they want to meet. Find out about their position in their company, their responsibilities, what they love about their job, their career, their life. Watch their body language. Make them feel comfortable. Get good at this and you will stand out from everyone else in the room.
Dare to adopt this mantra before you attend another networking event: Maybe they aren’t my ideal prospect… But, whom do they KNOW?
It’s time. Stop surface-connecting. Take the time to go deeper and to practice Dynamic Engagement wherever you are. When you devote your skills and energy to serving others this way, you will be surprised at how the greater good comes back around to you, too.
It’s how we’re wired, and this is how we create a better world.
