Wouldn’t it be nice if we liked celery more than sweets? How about if we preferred doing chores and homework to playing video games, cornhole or pickleball? When it comes to willpower, some of us struggle more than others. So what can be done?
According to “What You Need to Know about Willpower: The Psychological Science of Self-control” (“Science”), Dr. Angela Duckworth and Dr. Martin Seligman studied 8th grade students for a year and discovered that those “who ranked high on self-discipline had better grades, better school attendance, and higher standardized-test scores, and were more likely to be admitted to a competitive high school program.” They also discovered that being disciplined “was more important than IQ in predicting academic success.” What a relief! I’m definitely more tenacious than brilliant.
But when does this skill begin? You might recall Dr. Walter Mischel’s experiment with preschoolers and marshmallows. Kids were given a choice between one marshmallow now or two in a few minutes (“Science”). I’m sure most of us would have waited, right? Unless I was hungry, I could wait a long time for marshmallows. Putting Hershey’s kisses in front of me might complicate matters.
Mischel revisited these youngsters as adolescents and learned that teens “who had waited longer for the marshmallows as preschoolers were more likely to score higher on the SAT, and their parents were more likely to rate them as having a greater ability to plan, handle stress, respond to reason, exhibit self-control in frustrating situations, and concentrate without becoming distracted.” Self-control testing was replicated with 59 of these subjects in their 40’s with the same results (“Science”). Those were some mighty marshmallows.
So if we would have opted for that single marshmallow, are we doomed? What determines how self-control is developed? How hard should we push ourselves? And since this apparently life-long trait is exhibited in preschoolers, how hard should we push little kids?
Many years ago, I was visiting my friend, Debbie, while she babysat her nephews. The five-year-old wanted to quit the board game we were playing but she wouldn’t allow it. I learned later that the rule in their family was to finish everything you start. Considering my parents’ mercy when Monopoly kicked my butt for eons, Debbie’s statement shocked me. And, yet, it gave me pause to think of the many successes in her family.
Should we lock down miserable little Monopoly players? Maybe not. Roy Baumeister experimented with adults in a room flooded with the smell of fresh baked cookies. Some subjects were given cookies and others got radishes. Then, they were tasked with assembling a complex puzzle. The cookie eaters spent more than twice as long working the puzzle than the defeated radish recipients. As we all know, deprivation hurts concentration.
Other studies have shown that your glucose level also impacts your ability to maintain self-control. Subjects given sugar-sweetened lemonade regained willpower where those given sugar-free lemonade didn’t. Additionally, being in a good mood supports self-control. And subjects led to believe willpower was limited performed worse than those led to believe it was unlimited. Remember that little engine that could?
I loved volunteering in my son’s fourth-grade class. When students got stuck, the teacher would often declare in front of everyone: “I know you can do it.” Did she have a magic wand? Yet when either she or I casually wandered over to check, these students would be working. They might still have questions and their papers probably had some errors, but her wonderful magic instilled enough confidence to try.
Education researcher Zamfira Parincu says self-discipline is evident when students arrive on time, pay attention, and manage challenging work despite “boredom and frustration” (qtd. in “Science”). This contradicts an annoying professor from one of my Teacher Education courses, who felt that teachers must provide constant “edutainment.”
I disagree. Children (and adults) need to develop stamina to withstand boredom and frustration. This is imperative to developing self-control. Yes, deadpan lectures are drudgery. Boring lessons feel harder. But all classes must include plenty of time for grappling with tough concepts. Students sometimes need to sit quietly with their efforts. When you are bored in class or at a job or task, resist the urge to get off track. Practice staying focused and your focus will grow.
The constant stimulation of edutainment can shorten attention spans and create a dependency. Remember those kids who waited for the marshmallows? They can withstand the challenges without being entertained. In her article, “Self-Discipline: Definition, Tips, & How to Develop It” (“Tips”), Parincu recommends that people “learn how to tolerate discomfort.” Boredom and frustration are certainly uncomfortable.
Parincu also recommends developing awareness (“Tips”). If you are on a diet, for example, and you know you cannot resist certain sweets, Parincu’s philosophy might lead you to rid your house of that temptation. Then, you won’t have to resist it. Good! But that’s not always OK if you don’t live alone. And it won’t work if you bake or live close to a store. Believe me. I’m three minutes from a grocery store. I have endless access to goodies.
Plus, if all you do is eliminate temptation, how will you ever be able to eat elsewhere? Remember the super-star Romanian gymnast, Nadia Comăneci (Wikipedia)? In 1976 and 1980, she won a combined total of nine Olympic medals. After the 1976 competition, Nadia toured the country, being honored, adored, and served scads of high calorie foods. When she returned to training, her coach scolded her harshly for the weight she’d gained. Nadia responded with something like this: “You never taught me how to eat. You just took the food away!”
I began a diet on December 1st even though it would be hard this time of year. Oh, the Christmas cookies, baked goods, fabulous dinners with friends and family! I considered waiting until New Year’s to begin, but why gain more weight before attempting to lose it? Instead, I allowed myself two or three tiny treats each day. I chose to eat less (in general) and move more. That might not be someone else’s ideal, but it worked for me. Total deprivation would not have, especially since I’m the one doing the baking.
My students used to be amazed at how organized I was. But I had to work at. I created systems for my teacherly tasks. When carefully followed, I didn’t lose things; I didn’t forget to make photocopies, bring papers or books home, deliver documents to the office, or follow-up on communications. My record-keeping process was fool-proof. An unorganized teacher’s life is hell. This terrifying awareness gave birth to an organizational goddess.
Parincu’s “time blocking” directs people to take a five-minute break after working for twenty minutes (“Tips”). If that works for you, go for it. A break every twenty minutes would be an annoying interruption for me. But I did something similar. Heading into finals week in college, I scheduled every minute of the two weeks prior. I set up two-hour sessions for each subject and scheduled time for meals, snacks, a phone call, a TV show, or a short nap. I occasionally took tiny unscheduled breaks and gave myself some wiggle room to account for intellectual breakdowns or breakthroughs. The schedule was loose but effective.
My students who tend to get overwhelmed during finals have tried this plan with great success. Scheduling takes the focus off the end-game, the actual test. It’s easier to control panic when you only concern yourself with what’s directly in front of you. Studying early leads to greater success, which contributes to quelling the terror. I remind students to set up time for current homework and heartily encourage adding a few rewards. Two weeks is a long time for a teen to be locked down with nothing to look forward to.
No matter where you are in this journey, know that you are quite likely, as Winnie the Pooh suggests, “braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think” (Disney.com). Remember, managing obligations reduces stress, which increases concentration. Discover your weaknesses and work on them. Ask for help if necessary. Drink the sugared lemonade, and practice, practice, practice because self-discipline truly is limitless.
