“Son, I’ve made a life out of readin’ people’s faces,
Knowin’ what their cards were, by the way they held their eyes,
So if you don’t mind my sayin’, I can see you’re out of aces,
For a taste of your whiskey, I’ll give you some advice.”
Some fabulous lyrics from “The Gambler,” by veteran Nashville songwriter Don Schlitz and superbly sung by the late, great Kenny Rogers. This familiar line resonate: “You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.”
It became an anthem with a hook-line that compelled all of us to sing along. From my perspective, it is one of the best and most popular storytelling songs of all time. It also serves as a handy reminder as you go through life’s ups and downs: Practice Noticing What You Notice.
In fact, your skill and ability to read people’s faces, to note their body language, their demeanor, the inflection in their voice, the pacing of their speech and so much more can teach you many things about a person, even if you are meeting them for the first time.
The value should be obvious: The more information you can gain about people, the better your ability to sort through their history and learn about their dreams and challenges. That’s information that will help you truly know how to serve them.
There’s no magic pill I can give you that will make you an expert at this overnight, but you can expedite your ability to do this well with dedicated practice. Develop good interviewing skills and recording information skills; everything you can do to constantly improve how you show up. Then, don’t be surprised if the information you learn will turn out to be more valuable to your career and personal life than you probably expected.
BTW, you’ve been reading people’s faces ever since infancy. Laying there in your crib, bundled up like a miniature hockey player, you looked around constantly, trying to make sense of everything, including those odd, blurry things hanging above you. Your rapid-fire brain development was being stimulated by everything; sounds, shadows, and even the bright lights coming through the window. Those fuzzy things turned out to be mobiles, so designed, no doubt, by crazed parents who figured out a way to entertain their baby long enough to get some sleep.
Then, poof! One day your perfect eyesight caught up! You started to realize that the high-pitched squeals and strange language was coming from them! You created your own fan club and you would soon start to learn how to work those adults with very little effort. The people with the big noses and teeth were coming for you and in no time at all you figured out that if you moved your arms and legs really fast and looked excited, giant hands will come down, scoop you up and take you out of your small environment for a while so you could start to learn more about your greater surroundings.
From an early age, then, you have been in training to learn the art of communicating with other people. Now, as an adult, you have discovered some of the mysteries of Life and one of them has to do with making a good first impression. While you are reading people, they are reading you. How are these super-calibrated observations affecting you? Well, let’s look at this as a science of sorts.
Some researchers tell us that it only takes about 7 seconds to make 11 impressions. That’s impressive. Other experts tell us that it takes only 2 to 3 seconds to form an impression, or opinion of someone they just met. Princeton psychologists boldly go even more dramatic: They tell us it takes just one-tenth of a second to form an impression of somebody. Search impressions and how long they take, and you will have plenty of reading to do on the subject.
There are many ways you can make a good first impression, even if all you have is less than a second. It is fair to say that you can just as easily make a bad first impression, but for my money, I believe that even then, people will forgive you, give you a pass or, as we say in golf, a mulligan. Don’t forget this, either: First-impression stuff equally extends to when you are online, not just in-person anymore. The automatic scrutiny will still happen, and so will the research on your background, faster than you will ever be able to fine-tune it for public review. Think of it this way: They have access to everything you ever said and every picture you have ever posted; a rather sobering thought, indeed.
Yes, the world of Zoom is here to stay. I am always pleased whenever I see that people on the call have taken time to figure out how to look good by creating a pleasing background that doesn’t distract, because that, too, makes for a first impression, yet another of the many ways that Noticing What You’re Noticing will pay off for you.
I am an introvert. It is easy for me to feel inferior, so I have had to work at being comfortable in my own skin when meeting people and trying my best to make a good first impression. If you find yourself feeling that the person you are meeting for the first time is more interesting than you, don’t give in to that presumption. Don’t submit to it. You have no evidence that warrants such a feeling at this point. Control your emotions. Then, remember I told you that you are just as valuable as everyone else. You have a voice, good ideas, creativity, knowledge, education, a good heart and, I am assuming, a wonderful smile. Be proud of who you are and are becoming.
For everything you notice about anyone you meet, your first impression will be based upon and measured against your past experiences, past challenges, things you were told about people and past-similar events you call up without a blink, whether the information you were given is accurate or hearsay.
NONE of us can bypass those automatic responses but we can learn to practice restraint and refrain from jumping to conclusions. By noticing what you are noticing, you can learn more about those automatic reactions you walk around with now and challenge whether they still serve you. Replace them with better skills you continually practice so that you always make a good first impression.
Meeting people should be a Treasure Hunt. That would make you a Treasure Hunter, and I can guarantee that when you invest a little extra of your time and get to know someone better, you stand a very good chance of being glad you did.
When it comes to building a better world, making a good first impression starts with shining the spotlight on others long enough to learn about them and to let them know they matter.
…dr
