Feedback is essential for workplace and business communications, as well as our ongoing development and growth, and it is important in our work relationships and business. Feedback goes far beyond listening and responding in the moment. It requires curious, open-ended questions, conversation, practice and so much more. Igniting real discussions generally starts with who, what, where, when, why and how.
Having trained people around the world on the essential skills of giving and receiving feedback, I have summarized some of the key elements into the Three P’s for Processing Feedback. Here they are in no particular order:
Poise (instead of reactive defensiveness) can help you hear feedback with a sense of neutrality and grace—reflective mirroring. For example, if you received feedback that you need to be better at delegating to your team, you might say, “It sounds like you are suggesting I sometimes try to take it all on and it may be helpful to ask for help or engage others in the tasks.” If you didn’t quite capture the feedback, not to worry, in most situations, the person will reframe it.
Presence helps ensure that you are not distracted and that you are engaged in the conversation. Feedback is generally a two-way street; it is a conversation, not a monologue. People are often uncomfortable and run the risk of “zoning out” during these talks. Being fully present is one way of staying with the conversation and hearing what is being said, instead of filling in the blanks of what you think someone means. When you are present, you are more in tune with the person’s non-verbal communication as well.
Process what is being shared without assumptions or judgement. Even if you don’t agree, listen and reflect. This allows you to ask clarifying questions or for an example to better understand the context of the feedback. In some feedback conversations, it can feel like a lot of information is being shared. Big emotions can also surface. Taking time to process what has been shared can help minimize defensiveness.
Reflect for a moment on a time where you received feedback and found it supportive, helpful and impactful. What was it about the conversation that left you feeling this way? How was the feedback delivered?
Now take a moment to reflect upon a time where you received feedback and found yourself becoming defensive, zoning out or forming responses in your head instead of listening to what the other person was saying. What was happening in the conversation that resulted in this unsupportive dialogue?
Past experience shapes how we process current conversations. As you think about an upcoming conversation you may need to have, how can you prepare for this conversation? A little bit of preparation goes a long way in helping you show up prepared, present, poised and able to process.
